Parental Authority
by Nyx Starlight
Summary: (Guardian AU) After being tricked to take care of Dipper, Bill struggles in trying to make the antisocial boy listen to him. Maybe something called 'parental authority' can help him control this annoying meat sack. (One-shot)


**Parental Authority**

 **Disclaimer - I do not, and never will own Gravity Falls, everything belongs to Alex Hirsch**

 **Note:If you do not know what the Guardian AU is, Tadd Strange and Bill Cipher take care/are the guardians of the Pines twins.**

 **Enjoy**

"I'm not going to do this."

"Yes. You are."

"I never agreed to this!"

"So help me, Bill, I _will_ stick you with the girl."

"No! No, please! ANYTHING BUT HER! I'LL TAKE THE STUPID PUBESCENT CHILD! Please! She tried to _bedazzle_ me." Bill whispered with a horrified shudder

Tadd brightened up right when Bill said that. "Perfect! I'll take her then. Have fun with the loser!"

Dipper looked up, looking beyond offended at the demons. "I'm not a loser . . . ."

"Yes, you are Pine Tree. Yes, you are," Bill commented dryly, his lanky arms by his side.  
"Well have fun with the weirdo boy! Mabel, where are you? We're going to go get some glitter, and paint THE WHOLE TOWN!"

"Woo!" Mabel cheered and catapulted onto Tadd Strange's back with a yelp of joy, glitter everywhere. "Onward, my noble steed!"

"And away we go!" With that, Tadd teleported out of the room with Mabel and a flash of purple and blue.

And then there were two.

Bill blankly stared at the spot Tadd had stood before his face morphed into one of anger, his black eye glinting red. "DANGIT TADD! You stupid square, you! You tricked me into staying with the loser!"

"I'm not a loser, Bill," Dipper countered with a snarky tone in his voice. "Unlike _you_ I actually _have_ friends."  
Putting his hands on his chest where his heart was supposed to be, Bill feigned a heart attack, "Ow! Oh man, ow. My heart organ! Right in the heart organ."

"Real funny Bill. Now go away, I have things to do."

"Sorry, Pine Tree! You're _stuck with me_ for the rest of time!"  
"What!" Dipper screeched in a very 'manly' way. "No, no way, Bill. There is _no way_ I am spending the rest of my life with _you!"_  
 _That's not what the shippers want,_ Bill pondered, his mind travelling to the 'Earth' dimension, a small shiver ran up his spine. _Never gonna visit there. So. Many. Fangirls._

"Uh . . . Bill? You okay there?" Dipper snapped in front of Bill's face, breaking him out of his otherworldly thoughts.

"Huh? Oh, hey there, Pine Tree, when did you get here?"

Dipper sighed dejectedly before stalking back to the Mystery Shack. "I'm going to go home."

"Huh? Wait, what! No! I'm supposed to watching over you!" Bill chased after the boy his human legs being stupid human legs and refusing to work making him fall to the floor, "Why do these _stupid human legs_ refuse to move! I need to get to Pine Tree before he escapes my wrath-err my um...Parental vision. Yeah. Heh. Parental vision."

He stared blankly at the floor contemplating life for a solid few minutes before shooting up, "WAIT! I have parental control over Pine Tree! I. Am. His. ELDER! That mean's he _has_ to do what I say!" Bill cackled to himself. "Now, how do adults use this so-called _parental control_. . . It must be a very powerful gift to control those urchins." He had a thoughtful look on his face before it brightened, "Maybe it's built in! Maybe the adult meat sacks have a built in control over children!"

Feeling like the brilliant triangle he was(n't), Bill-remembering his teleportation powers-transported to the Mystery Shack right in front of Dipper.

 _Now, how did this go? The adult usually says their full names or something. Alright, here it goes!_

"DIPPER BUTTERCUP PINES-"

"That's not my name, Bill."

"Oh. DIPPER VERONICA-"

"Not my name either, Bill."

"Oh . . . right. DIPPER-"

"Hey, Bill?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you shut up?"

Bill sighed dejectedly before sulking in the corner muttering out a small. "Okay."

 **Sorry, I haven't updated _anything_ in so long... I just graduated so I have much more time now that it's summer. Just a one-shot I wrote a while ago, been meaning to upload it. **


End file.
